Ahhh the elusive G-spot. It’s probably one of the most hotly debated areas when it comes to women’s sexual health. Some people think it doesn’t exist. Some people think it does. Some women will never have an orgasm via the G-spot, while some women exclusively get pleasure from this type of stimulation. Despite what you were told in your less-than-great school sex education lesson, the G-spot is very much there and you can get a lot of joy out of it.
Mashable spoke to Kelly Gordon, head of Creative at Sex tech brand Hot Octopuss and Megwyn White, clinical sexologist and director of sex education at sex toy brand Satisfyer to find out what the G-spot really is (since there are myriad misconceptions out there), where its located, and how to stimulate G-spot pleasure (and orgasms) during solo and partnered sex.
Is the G-spot actually real?
Okay, so, while the G-spot is real, most of us have been misled when it comes to how it actually works. Seriously, we talk a lot about the G-spot and the clitoris as if they offer completely different types of pleasure experiences and are two different entities, and while the former is true, the latter is a bit of a myth.
In reality, the G-spot is the clitoris. Kind of.
Sexologist and author of Come As You Are Emily Nagoski says in the sex documentary The Principles of Pleasure that stimulating the G-spot during sex is actually just stimulating the clitoris from another angle. She drops the bombshell that the G-spot sort of doesn’t exist. It’s less of a spot and more of an entire zone belonging to the clitoral network, and certainly isn’t the magical orgasm-generating button it’s been represented to be.
Stimulating the G-spot during sex is actually just stimulating the clitoris from another angle.
Megwyn White, sex educator at Satisfyer, explains this to Mashable. “Typically, the G-spot is located two to three inches inside of your vagina near your belly. However, there is a lot of misconception that the clitoris is only located on the outside of your vagina, when most of it is actually located internally.”
The clitoris is made of erectile tissue and enlarges when aroused just like a penis does. Because it’s internal, women are not conscious of their clitoral erections. “Seeing the clitoris in its entirety helps a woman understand how her pleasure can build,” White adds. “Because it’s made of erectile tissue it requires stimulation in the same way a penis would, except that it’s internal and often needs to be stimulated indirectly from various angles.”
So, when you’re hitting that G-spot or “Grafenberg” spot (yeah, it’s named after a man), you’re actually activating and stimulating the clitoral network and massaging clitoral erections from another angle. That’s one reason why G-spots and clitoral stimulation go so well when performed together— you’re stimulating the same spots from multiple angles simultaneously!
The elusivity, perceived impossibility, and the very anatomy of the G-spot are just a handful of many misconceptions we are often told about sex.
The G-spot being a little different to what we’ve been told doesn’t mean we can’t have fun with it, though.
How to stimulate the G-spot
If you want to explore with a partner then open up conversation about new ways to explore your pleasure, tell them about the research you’ve been doing and be honest about what you want to achieve.
“Be patient with them, and yourself. And if you are exploring solo then invest in some lube, give yourself some time and maybe even invest in a new sex toy to start your G-spot journey,” Kelly Gordon from Hot Octopuss advises.
Exploring G-spot pleasure starts with understanding your anatomy and how it all works down there. “To best stimulate the G-spot, whether in solo-play or to a partner, it is important to know exactly where it is,” White adds.
How to finger your partner
“The G-spot is in the upper part of the vagina, towards the underneath of the belly button. Knowing this helps to ‘demystify’ the G-spot and make stimulation there more approachable. Try not to put too much pressure on G-spot specific penetration, as erogenous zones are located throughout the bodies and arousal varies with each person’s preferences.”
She adds that the G-spot’s sensitivity comes from the fact that there are so many erogenous tissues meeting in one zone. “The urethral sponge also includes the paraurethral glands which can engorge with fluid when stimulated and can even become expressed in ejaculation,” she says.
Knowledge really is power (especially in the bedroom) and understanding the G-spot’s intricacies beforehand can help us feel more prepared as we head into new territory.
Gordon says the G-spot can be stimulated in many ways and it is certainly not a one size fits all approach, but one one of the most widely reported ways to stimulate the G-spot is the “come hither” motion (you know how your fingers move when you beckon someone?), providing direct and repetitive stimulation.
“You can achieve this by inserting your chosen number of fingers into the vagina bending the fingers backwards in the come hither/come here motion. Another way to stimulate the G spot is using a direct pressure to the G-spot, whether that be with a penis, fingers, or a sex toy. Pressure and grinding can often feel super pleasurable in this area,” Gordon recommends.
“You can also add in clitoral stimulation to achieve a blended orgasm, which is where you experience an orgasm using a mixture of clitoral and internal pleasure. This works well if you are used to clitoral stimulation as it will feel familiar and add a new level to your usual [experience with sexual pleasure].”
How to achieve a G-spot orgasm
A G-spot orgasm can be achieved in many ways, through penetrative sex, using fingers or using sex toys. And as all our bodies and sexual preferences and responses are different, it may take a lot of experimentation and some trial and error to figure out what works best for you.
Gordon recommends trying particular sex positions to see what works well for you. “Some of the best sex positions for G-spot orgasms are spooning, and cowgirl. Spooning is great for a relaxed session, especially for morning sex. And cowgirl is great as it allows for the vulva owner to take control, this is amazing if you’re exploring G-spot stimulation for the first time,” she says.
White adds that those trying to achieve pleasure or orgasms through the G-spot can try a fun shower sex based position called Straddle the Edge for extra arousal. “This is where one partner has their back towards the shower head with one foot on the side of the wall/tub, while the other partner is kneeling underneath exploring their partner orally. This is a great position for partners of all sexes as there are numerous variations (arching backs, leaning forward, lowering yourself) that can create added G-spot stimulation,” she explains.
How to use sex toys to stimulate the G-spot
Of course, sex toys elevate pleasure and the G-spot is no exception. And thanks to the progression of sex tech, there’s an array of high quality sex toys out there with the technology to do just about anything. You can even find sex toys that offer that “come hither” motion we mentioned, replicating how your fingers would move.
Gordon explains that stimulation of the G-spot usually requires a soft petting action to allow circulation to the tissue, making curved devices a great way to access the spot. She also recommends using a toy with a squishier, more flexible tip so you can control the level of pressure you want to apply to the G-spot. However, there are other ways to stimulate these sensations.
“Using Kegel balls, for example, are a great way to experiment with G-spot stimulation as they are designed to access the sensitive angles of both the G-spot and clitoral bulbs and can even be coupled with a clitoral vibrator.”
White notes that, since everyone’s bodies are different, it’s important to be patient and have deep awareness of various sensations and techniques to figure out which you prefer. ”This can include the speed, force, and angles of play. Communicate to your partner what works best for you and if you are giving a G-spot massage it’s generally best to stay consistent with what is working and don’t rush your partner to orgasm,” she says.
Why do so many people struggle to achieve G-spot orgasms?
If you’re struggling to achieve a G-spot orgasm, you’re not alone. In fact, according to a 2017 study, only about 18 percent of women achieve orgasm through penetration. Most women require clitoral stimulation, or at least find it more beneficial, when it comes to orgasming during partnered sex.
The G-spot can be difficult for women and people with vaginas to stimulate due to a general lack of education and awareness of its location and of anatomy in general. White explains that stimulation of the G-spot also feels different to everyone, with some finding no satisfaction at all through G-spot stimulation. “It’s important to keep this in mind and take time to explore your body through masturbation to discover different sensations and what your preferences are,” she says.
Gordon adds that we put so much pressure on orgasms in general and the truth is some people simply can’t have G-spot orgasms. “That’s completely okay. Try other avenues of pleasure, or add clitoral stimulation at the same time. It feels amazing to have a clitoral orgasm whilst receiving internal stimulation anyway and you’ll notice that your orgasm will be more intense, whether you have a G-spot orgasm or not.”
It’s important to focus on what feels good for you. It’s important with all kinds of sex not to not overly focus on achieving an orgasm, but rather relaxing and getting in an aroused state that inspires you to explore your body freely. If we shift our focus to enjoyment, pleasure and intimacy during sex, rather than the goal of orgasm, we’ll all have a much better time (and pressure-less relaxation is a better environment to produce an orgasm anyway!).
If you’re interested in trying out some G-spot pleasure, keep in mind that your G-spot is more of a zone than a “spot” and can be stimulated in so many different ways. Experimentation and exploration focused on pleasure rather than orgasms is more important, especially during the early stages, and if it doesn’t amount to much for you, that’s not your fault! Patience, understanding, and a whole lot of self-love is key for this type of play.